How Many Days?

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn wasn't aware of how long she slept. A long time. The sleep was broken up by nightmares, brief moments of consciousness that quickly slipped away as her body forced her into rest. Maybe she was just that tired, maybe she just needed it. Or maybe the nightmares kept her from really resting as she should have been, so she slept longer to compensate.

Once or twice, she woke up to find Riddick at her bedside, one firm hand on her shoulder as though to keep her from levitating off the mattress. She was barely awake long enough to acknowledge him. The nightmares were awful and persistant - pitch black and full of viscous blood. She couldn't see anything, but she could hear everything, smell it, feel it, the tearing flesh, the cooling rock under her hands, the screeching and hissing. Now and then, a hand would come out of the dark and haul her to her feet, pulling her out of the dream.

When she finally came back to herself, rested but disoriented, it was dark outside and she had no sense of time, didn't know if it had been hours or days. The light at the ceiling still filled the apartment with a sickly glow and she turned slowly onto her back, finding herself achy and stiff, as though she'd been rigid and tense the whole time. She cleared her throat and blinked slowly, not even sure if Riddick had kept his word, if he had stayed by his side the whole time.

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[notyourcaptain]

The impact of his hips is jerking her up the bed and the previously pinned hand finds the headboard to brace. Carolyn can't help the soft little cries that escape her at each thrust and soon she's the one who has to look away, eyes squeezing shut and back arching. He's filling her up, completely overwhelming her with heat and weight and friction and her chest heaves with ragged breath, sweat beginning to stick her to the sheets at her back.

[seesblind]

There's a point where it doesn't matter how much control he might have usually, it cracks and crumbles under the pressure. His cry is more like a roar, his fingers digging deep into the sheets as the inevitable takes him, rough and messy and complicated.

[notyourcaptain]

"Fuck!" The last couple thrusts actually hurt and she's shaking, but her climax is just barely out of her reach. Carolyn hooks an arm around his shoulders, holding herself to him as his hips jerk and he comes completely undone. It's startling and already Carolyn can tell he'll be unsettled by just how much he'd cut loose. She knows, now, because of these memories, that this is rare for him. That it sets him off balance every time.

[seesblind]

More than off balance, it makes him feel raw in a way he doesn’t know how to deal with. But he remembers before, remembers walking off on her, his cruelty in moments like these. His hips jerk again before he stops, resting against her entirely still. Riddick can’t move, won’t move, lest he break completely.

[notyourcaptain]

Arm still tight around his shoulders, she lets him rest against her and doesn't say a word. She's afraid to break the spell, afraid that if either of them moves, something will snap. In the past it's been him doing the walking away, but right now she isn't so sure this time. Her head actually aches a little, everything has come back to her so quickly, and Carolyn just wants to stay pinned like this until the tidal wave passes. Her fingers curl against the back of his head, her other hand clinging to his hip and all she came do is listen to the chorus of their ragged breath in the otherwise silent room.

[seesblind]

He wishes he could tell her that waves don’t break that way. That the second wave is what kills the most people, bigger and more powerful than the already destructive first. It’s far from over, the repercussions of what they remember sure to be felt for longer than either of them are prepared for.

It seems like an hour has passed when he moves, shifting beside her with a groan. Riddick knows it’s only been a few minutes, but time is dragging. He’s not sure yet if that’s good.

[notyourcaptain]

God damn, she's sore. Carolyn makes a face as she shifts, kicking way tangled blankets and shivering as cool air hits sweaty, heated skin. Slowly, she sits up, one hand smoothing up the inside of her own thigh where, she is fairly sure, there will be bruises in the morning. She glances at him, wondering at his silence, but not surprised. Instead of saying anything, she slides off the bed and disappears into the kitchen, only to reappear with two glasses of water. Standing on his side of the bed, she offers one to him wordlessly.

[seesblind]

He reaches out for a glass, shifting to lean up against the headboard. "Thanks."

He takes a long drink from the glass, the water grounding in a way he doesn't expect. Riddick is resisting now, resisting the urge to leave, or to try and make things right. Neither is the right thing to do, he knows that. Other than that, he's not sure what he should do and it's a strange place to be.

[notyourcaptain]

By the time Carolyn is sitting back on the bed, her glass is empty and she leans forward to set it just under the bedframe on the floor. "So-" she starts uncomfortably, wishing there were a better way to do this, but he doesn't seem to be about to talk and something needs to happen, "you don't have to stick around or anything, but if there's a way for us to figure out this whole...memories thing." Carolyn twists, stretching out on her side to look up at him. She needs a shower, badly, but first she needs to deal with this. "Can you handle that?"

[seesblind]

Talking. Now there's something that's never gotten him anywhere. Riddick likes figuring things out for himself, making the decisions and going, and if people don't agree or fall behind, that's on their heads. Only it changed saving Kyra from that triple-max and trying to save Fry on that planet. It's changed more with what has just happened and what they both remember. "What is there to figure out?"

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn looks up at him with both eyebrows raised practically to her hairline. She stares for a moment, as though expecting him to laugh at his own joke, but he doesn't and she snorts out a vague sound of disbelief. "I shouldn't be surprised you're seriously asking me that question, but I am." Sitting up again, Carolyn wraps her arms loosely around bent legs, head still turned so she's facing him. "Riddick, Jesus. I mean, should I even still stay here?" Before tonight, it was a place to crash. Now, after sex, and these memories, they'd be living together.

[seesblind]

"You still need somewhere to stay. You still need to sleep." That hasn't changed, he knows that. He's also fairly sure this was a step too far too fast. Yet was there anywhere else to go with the two of them? Riddick shakes his head, answering his own question. "Do you have any other options?"

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn heaves a sigh and slides to the edge of the bed so she can stand up, looking for her t-shirt. "I guess not." Wonderful. So she'll stay here because she has to. And they won't try and piece together these insane memories. The perfect arrangement.

[seesblind]

There is more, and he knows it. He knows they should try and sort out a place they can both live with. But he's going to avoid it as long as he can. "You can shower first."

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn turns, shirt in hand, and watched him carefully for a long moment. He is actually going to do this, even remembering what they do now, he's going to go ahead and do everything they both know they shouldn't. "Generous," she says before she can stop herself, lip curled in annoyance.

[seesblind]

"What do you want Fry?" He's pulled his shirt back on, is standing near the closet that holds his sparse wardrobe. Turning, he watches her through silvered eyes. "What do you really want?"

[notyourcaptain]

She can't help laughing at how familiar that question is. Carolyn pulls her shirt back on too, bending to grab her underwear next. "Everything in my life right now is a struggle. I was hoping maybe this could be the exception. Obviously that's stupid."

[seesblind]

"Life is a struggle." It's a bleak assessment, but it's what he knows and what he's always known. "Even here, even there, it's a struggle. It isn't happy endings and bullshit like that."

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn growls her frustration and turns to face him head on, shirt swinging around bare legs. "That's fucking stupid and obvious. of course it's a struggle. That doesn't mean we have to make it harder." God, this is deja vu. They have had this fight. They have said these words. Can't he see that?

[seesblind]

He wants to be done with this conversation, but he's not backing down from it. Just because it scares him - and it does - doesn't mean he backs away. Riddick tenses, muscles rippling as he closes his hands at his sides. "Because this isn't making it harder? For which one of us Fry? Who are we making things easier for?"

[notyourcaptain]

He's shocked her into silence and Carolyn grabs her pants off the floor to keep from having to answer right away. "Fine," she says as she buttons her fly, head ducked and hair falling into her face, hiding her, "fine. Forget I said anything." A lose lose, apparently. She needs to talk about the swamp of memories she's wading through, and he can't bear it.