notyourcaptain | Just Flesh and Blood Exist

She had been here for weeks now and had barely spoken to anyone. Carolyn had taken to long, long walks, wandering the city and the country outside, but always watching the sun. There had been one close call, one time she'd gotten lost and had experienced one long panic attack as she rushed home, certain she wouldn't make it back before the sun went down. She hadn't realized, until then, just how much of a mess she was. Sleeping with the lights on hadn't seemed like an issue - she just fell asleep with them on, it wasn't purposeful.

Except it was, and the thought of being caught outside at night had filled her with a terror so deep she'd spent the rest of the evening locked in her bathroom, where there were no windows. Sleep wasn't coming easily, but the food here was better than anywhere she'd stayed in a while, so it wasn't hard to make herself eat.

Carolyn spent most of her time working out. It was how she'd gotten through the academy. Fighting got her in trouble back then, so she burned off aggression in running, or boxing. She couldn't break the noses of the bastards who gave her shit, so she bruised her knuckles on a bag.

The park was nice. The air was clear and people generally left her alone. The sun came encouragingly down through the trees as she ran, keeping to the paths, enjoying the way sweat ran down her back, between her shoulderblades. Maybe she was dead. Maybe she was in a hospital somewhere. But this place wasn't too bad - so long as she kept herself out of the dark, and out of trouble.

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He’s seen those half-dead things that get pulled back from the Underverse. There’s nothing human left to them, their souls stripped away. No, this isn’t hell, not for him, not for anyone. A cage, maybe, but hell is something different. “You think you made it to heaven?”

She looked up at him, startled by this, and for a moment, seemed almost wounded.

"No," she said after a pause, frozen in spot, "no, I don't."

"Didn't think so."

Heaven in his mind was a very dangerous place. Made to live in the image of a God he hated, it would be worse than hell, she had been right about that.

She was right about more things than he liked to admit. "You should go. Get away from people like me."

That got him an eye roll. Carolyn turned to face him again, setting her hands on her hips. She was quiet for a while, her breath in clouds in the cold air between them.

"Where are you staying? Because I'm assuming you haven't been living in the apartment given to you."

It's him who's turned away from her now, taking a few steps. "Have a place out near Harbor and Carnaby. You'll find me if you need to."

"You can't do anything to me now, Riddick," she called after him, unimpressed with the people like me comment. After all, hadn't they discovered that they were birds of a feather on that fucking pit of a planet? "I'm dead, remember?"

"Don't feel dead." It's the easier answer, easier than saying that he never wanted to do anything to her. That he never wanted to protect or save her either, and that it's her fault somehow for the guilt he feels. Easier, but not entirely the truth.

"Funny, I do." She spread her hands. "This place, the weird people who live here, can't leave, no explanations." Carolyn set him with a sharp, annoyed look. "If it isn't heaven, hell, or purgatory, what the fuck is it?"

He turns to look at her, sizing her up slowly. She's still as fit as she was on that planet, her hair almost the same length. He wonders if she has a scar, or if that's vanished too along with anything that makes sense.

"Whatever it is, I intend to find out."

"Yeah, I bet. Riddick the problem solver." A wave of bitterness sudden filled her from the gut up and Carolyn couldn't help the way her lip curled into a sneer. "Big fucking hero." Carolyn could feel him sizing her up and it pissed her off, made her want to fight, made her want to prod him into something other than placid indifference, the way she'd prodded all those other men - teachers, lovers, friends, didn't matter. Prodded them into losing it.

She almost manages to goad him into losing his temper, his fingers clenching tight. Almost, but he pulls back at the last moment, even though he still growls at her. "I never said I was a hero."

She could hear the growl, see the way his shoulders pull tight. Reactions like that always filled her with a sick kind of glee and this was no different. "Of course not. You're just going to figure this place out, right?" She waved at the park around them, hating herself even as she swallowed back a pleased laugh at the anger in his eyes. Carolyn wanted his hands on her, she realized. Maybe she wanted proof she was alive. "Save me, this time. Like you should have."

His control wasn’t so easily won then. There weren’t a lot of things that could make Riddick irrational and angry, but Fry dying was one of those. She shouldn’t have died, not for him and not for anyone. Things out of his control usually didn’t bother him, he found a way to make events work to his advantage, or got out of the way and watched things implode. Carolyn wasn’t like that, and neither was Kyra.

“Like I said, find me if you need me.” No answer to his question, his voice so low as to be little more than a rumble. Riddick stalked away from her, not willing to take his anger out on her, not willing to scream that she shouldn’t have died and that he hadn’t been able to save Kyra either.

Stay away from Fry, he told himself, knowing that he wouldn’t. He’d follow her, make sure she was safe here. Just next time he wouldn’t be seen.

Carolyn did laugh this time, watching as he walked away. The joke was - would either of them actually stay away? That seemed unlikely to her and yet she couldn't think of a circumstance in which she would be willing to go looking for his help. Not unless the sun went out and hammerheads showed up. She supposed anything was possible, but she couldn't let her mind turn to that.

"Yeah," she said, barely loud enough for him to hear as he left, "I'll find you when I need you."

Just Flesh and Blood Exist - Riddick and Carolyn

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